The Rago

Turns out dinosaurs were just bones after all

Since the early days of dinosaur discovery, many have pondered what these creatures could have been like in life. Were they colorful? Were they lanky? Did they have feathers? Turns out, just like all things in science, the most obvious answer was right in front of us the entire time. In a new statement released by the American Museum of Natural History, curator of Vertebrate Paleontology says: “In wake of so many perceived discoveries surrounding prehistoric life, we now once again find ourselves back at the drawing board. Newfound analysis methods which studied bone wear patterns and points of attachment have deduced that dinosaurs were not fleshy meat bundles as long thought, but rather simple and slim bone bits formed together.”

The curator continues, “In hindsight, this makes so much more sense. Everybody always pestering us by asking how some of them were able to get so big; well turns out, they were not nearly as big as previously believed. Why have a 100 ton meat and muscle included Argentinosaurus when you can instead have a much more reasonable 20 ton skeleton of one causing mayhem across the Mesozoic?”

The news of this shocking discovery has not been well received. From paleontologists, to Jurassic Park fans, to enthusiastic museum attendants, many just don’t know where to go from here. Redoing museum paleoart murals and major editing to the final “Jurassic World” film have been proposed as good first steps to take. Major updates are to come on news surrounding this discovery on April Fools, 2021.

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