The Rago

Starbucks announces they will no longer serve frappuccinos or lattes at Stockton, opts for soda instead

Today, Starbucks announced that they will stop offering their signature Frappuccino beverage on Stockton University’s grounds in favor of a more popular option: soda.

Spokesperson for Starbucks April First said she knew it was time for a change when she overheard a student say they were “over Pumpkin Spice Lattes.”

“Lattes and frapps have had their time in the sun, but people are over it,” First said. “Every season comes to an end, and it is time for people to embrace the fact that Coca Cola, Sprite, 7-Up, and Fanta are the future.”

First added, “There may be some doubts as to why Coca Cola is a better choice than Frappuccinos. It is obvious; Santa Claus has made a resurgence in popularity among college students, and the only way to gain his favor and get those wondrous presents under the tree is to drink his products.”

The new line of soda products will kick off with “Santa Claus is SPRITEing to town,” a creamy beverage that takes the flavoring of Frappuccinos and adds them to Sprite cans. The line is the first of its kind and is sure to be a big hit with the Stockton crowd.

“Pumpkin Spice Lattes won’t know what hit them,” First said. “This new line of products will really bring the ‘wow’ factor that students are looking for in their carbonated drinks; beginning with SPRITEing, this rebrand is going to knock it out of the park.”

The last day to purchase Fraps will be May 1, 2021. SPRITEing is expected to launch just in time for the fall semester, and will be available to purchase at all Starbucks within 20 miles of Stockton.

If you are interested in learning more, please visit First’s official website here .  

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